Justice and Honesty

I am benumbed by the days at work. Realizing that I am being deprived of the life in the veins of the city makes me uneasy. The elusive eternity disturbs the mind in moments swarming with thoughts. The streets are teeming with appearances leading me to questions. Where was I lost? Shouldn't I listen to the gasp in my soul? Today I will once again drag my feet to my negotiated captivity. I have trouble calling it responsibility. A girl joins me in my confusion. She has much to be entangled in With rapt admiration I welcome the sea. The gulls soothe me in their happy shrieks, trying to distract me from my gloominess. Nothing is worth losing one’s smile. Why did I sacrifice the good in me? Why do I still struggle for living up to capitulations? Have I not had enough lessons?A delicate situation awaits me in nights bearing overwhelming interrogations. Would it make any difference if she was a siren, as the sea lures in blue tranquility? One is destined to pay the inevitable journey in sorrow. She surpasses my comprehension. What do I miss in each relationship I have to wade through? Why are all my words futile? Why is she so subtle? Should I just chase the music in me? Should I resign from the bondages that I serve? When will I master life in the incredibly playful daylight? There must be lucidity in some reticence. It is hard to be clear as the self is washed away. Her hair does not brush my face. She is a talented mystery. She presents me convulsions as if I had not enough.The sunshine should have been easier. The sincerity is in pain. The game devours its players. I still pant for another day in my run of life. One day I will rest in my heart emancipated. One day I will not question her eyes. Now I have to surrender to the road to tidying up the office of self-denials. I have a meeting with the judgments at night.

04/06/2006